My Colours.

When you see your mother’s arms as your bed...

Your father’s tears as your pride...

The delicacies of childhood as your crayons...

Your brother’s shoulders as your bicycle...

Your sister’s heels as your stage...

A chat with a loved one as an arcade...

A Child’s smile as your wealth....

A companion’s hug as your bubble...

Your passion as a mansion of your dreams...

Then you’ll know the world is yours...

After all,what matters the most is to celebrate what your heart sees....

Self-Appreciation

The world was made with so many elements, that are either seen or unseen,discovered or yet to be... then how do we mere beings manage to centralise our subsistence to that one element and source our entire mass of inner feelings around that one element....illustration: on achievement of the most meagre pinnacles in our lives, before we take a 2^nd breathe to sink in the success, we are ready  to credit the milestone to the first person that is closest to our hearts. It is not of importance if or whether that person would’ve aided or given even the slightest contribution to this landmark attained... but we have already related or dedicated it  to be “in memory of” that one dear soul.. how many of us have actually pondered ourselves and given ourselves a pat on the back for what we have individually attained for ourselves... why haven’t we??? Don’t we deserve an applaud for wat we do ourselves???why share the limelight with someone who probably doesn’t knw how to appreciate wat is done?? Its not being selfish mind u..its a mere self-appreciation...

Stop... centre the world around you sometimes... it feels good...great rather... coz its a one man’s world hun... n a one man’s stage...

And God never credited his creation to anyone... shouldn’t we follow suit???

Silence.

I hate it... and most of the people associated with me would agree that this quality is completely "off the charts" when it comes to me... silence and me is like pairing fish with chocolate... each really intricate and unique as individuals but a complete disaster if every experimented with together... wouldn’t u agree that silence brings about a direct negative feeling or atmosphere around?? Even the most majestic places like hospitals and public places loose their charm becoz of the silence that echoes around...

I am known to be a loud speaker from day one.... its only becoz I cant bear anything bottled up inside me... I can keep secrets but cant sit quiet when my conscience tells me something’s not right... I believe in voicing out my opinions about everything I find pricking... its a very negative trait from my part n I know it... but its the same as silently bitching about it behind the back later... both render equal harm emotionally, mentally and physically...

I was once told by someone... speak things out to a point where u refrain from hurting someone... that I patronise... that isn’t silence... its called holding your peace...  silence I agree is essential in some places n times too... funerals, hospitals, exams... (all things most of us aren’t comfy with)... but thats about it for me I guess....

The one aspect I hate about it most is when someone feels about something-a situation, decision, agreement, opinion-  or someone, decides to be silent about it... n when relevant questions aren’t answered and are left incomplete becoz its left to deal with with silence ...it becomes more like when silence results in “hanging-on-a-cliff” type situations... I've made that mistake a million times n have finally learnt from it... temme why in the earth would u decide to render yourself and the opposite person with so much discomfort??? Don’t u have other things to worry about in life??

Be a man!!(or woman) n speak up dude!!!  U don’t know how much better it makes u feel.... it eases out situations, crumbles misunderstandings, builds relationships, improves the system n a lot more!!! Best example- see our parliamentary sessions- everyone’s blabbering away shit mostly... but when the sessions over, the ones who managed to say whatever they what to come out with a head high feeling... coz they’ve said all they wanted to...

When your done reading this... see this within yourself...if u feel u have build up a wall against someone or avoided a situation becoz you’ve felt over time silence will resolve it all- snap out, call them up n break the barrier.... you’ve tortured that thing enough... and yourself in return too... scream, cry, shout ,curse, yell, bark if u wish....  and see how much better u feel...don’t be disheartened if the situation doesn’t resolve...don’t give up till your satisfied that you’ve done enough to mend things from your side... or its at least out of your head so u can probably have more space to worry about something else in return... but try not to leave any question unanswered....coz silence is like an invisble excruciating pain... n only sound of any form is its remedy... 

and If u have already from before or rather think around the same lines as me.... UR THE MAN!!!(OR WOMAN)... Bravo to ya!!

 F.Y.I- Silence is the first tool in admitting ones’ fault....

Passion.

18^th July 2007- the day I began to live my passion. My Life, My Way. With something that I was relating to and finding comfort in from a long time. Food. The day I realised the undying happiness I started getting from this inanimate source, I vowed to myself that I will nurture this to my advantage. Try and see if I can make my life actually revolve around it. And I did. I have build up my career around it. Into cooking food.  From that day  I’ve had no regrets with it what so ever. No looking back. All because I did it with a determination. And of course, from the heart. That is my definition of passion-something done with determination from the heart.

At first I had a lot of well wishers who ridiculed me of this choice of mine. You will meet them too. But I’ve reached my pinnacle of happiness right now by going against them. And they all had practical reasons mind u. All solid explanations. But I didn’t care a flying fudge. And you should follow suit.

Food-in any form. From any where. And at any time. This has been one source from which I have never had any negative element associated with. I’ve experimented with it, lived with it, had my adventures and special moments with it, celebrations and so many momentous feelings  allied with it. And That I realised why so after a very long time. It was because I was, am and will always be passionate about it. I was born for this. Its now become a very integral part of my life.

I’ve met some wonderful people who share the similar feeling as me, if not for food but for any other aspect. Paintings, singing, games, journalism, cars, bikes, travelling, writing etc etc. And they are as happy and content with it themselves as me. Its becoz ,if u have this one passion that your living your life with, you’ll actually come to realise that you do not need any other element to influence your life as much. It becomes your undying source of happiness at any point and time of your life. What more could u as for?

And hence my advice to all. Search out for that one passion of yours. It could be any God damn thing.Make it a part of your life. And you’ll see what ever your doing alongside will not matter.

Live it...

Live with it...

Nurture it...

Understand it...

Love it...

And  you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about...

Soul Sisters.

I’ve had the privilege of being in a batalion of a siblings. Blessed with 2 absolutely beautiful sisters and a chintu brother. My blood sisters- One elder and one younger- are my biggest pillars of strength. I’ve learnt and lived such an amazing life with them, that at times I think they fill up my cup. But then I met a few others. 6 others. I call them my heart pourers. Shoulders to cry on. The ones who yank me back to the present. Support and hold me through it all. My 6 Soul Sisters.

As some of you’ll may be well aware of, soul siblings is someone who emotionally understands you. a soul sister is most often a best friend of the female persuasion that you consider family, but in actuality,isn’t. I was fortunate to have 3 each,in school life & in college. Ironically I met them 4 years before each of these “lifes” of mine were coming to completion. They were my buddies. My best ones. My girls. They knew me extremely well in all those times. I know and knew that I could count on them irrespective of whatever the situation might have been. They knew how to handle me. When to motivate me. When to correct, to ignore, to assist, to abide by. They’ve helped to mould each part of that life of mine and influenced that period individually to a great extent and have made it very special. To sum it up, they took the time to actually befriend the real me.

Irrespective of how many times we’ve fought, misunderstood each other, not stayed in touch with, bitched about, cried, laughed at etc etc.,we’ve always stood by each other.  I’ve been in the benefit of meeting, being associated and sharing very important parts of my life with them. They know all my secrets, fears, wishes, desires, strengths, weaknesses. I can still run back to them whenever I need to and I know atleast one of them will always be there to listen to and understand what I’m trying to tell them. We’ve had glorious moments. Times I will always cherish. Not one bit of regret till date.

And hence ladies, I want to thank each one of you’ll for being there. We are, were and surely will be the best. I know life’s at a toss n turn for us all at present but still continue to be “at hand”.

For the ones who don’t know whom I’m talking about, In order of my meeting them in life, I present to you my dear soul sisters. Lucky are the ones who are individually associated with each one of them. They are truly one of a kind. But I’m the luckiest as of now. As I’ve got 6 in my catch!!

“Cheers to you ladies!!! And to all those good times!!!”

Lynn Ann Lobo                                                                   Nidhi Shetty 
Rohini Eligeti                                                                     Urvashi Sharma 

Bhumika Madhav                                                               Nishelle D’souza 

                                              I Love You’ll to bits....                  

48 Dreams.

Dreams- often defined as a series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind, probably in relation to a wish or a prior thought that occurs before wanting to sleep. A wish in return is often a mental list of things wanted or desired for. But why 48? That, folks, are of no importance to anyone but me.

 Have you ever had this series of dreams wherein you visualise all that you want for yourself in it? The perfect settings, all your kind of situations, in your kind of place and with all your desired people?? I have. My series lasted for a blissful 48 days. I saw every aspect, good and bad, in those 48 dreams of mine. They were beautiful. I got a picture of how exactly I want my life to be like. They always ended just the way I wanted them to and rendered me idyllic sleep.

As all of us know. A good dream is so only if it involves the essential following elements to be called so-

1-by the time your awake in the morning, you barely remember the dream. Coz it went so perfect that you don’t even feel like recollecting it. But that hope remains that it will occur again

2-the series of events portrayed are “just-the-way-you-like-it”

3-you get up to the freshest mood even on the dullest day and have the most glorious positive one in return, irrespective of how gross or annoying events would’ve taken place throughout the day

But reality people!!. That’s why its a dream. Coz its what we wish for and in practicality, cannot get..

It is irony though, that I remember every single one of those dreams. All 48 of them. That’s  becoz they happened over a smooth continuous period of time and I saw my future in perfect form on a regular basis in them...more like daily to be precise.. they were not rosy always but i was happy. Very happy. Becoz it was never incomplete and they all ended well. The presence of  common element was probably the reason they were all interrelated and similar in content. And possibly also the reason as to why they all ended well too..

But then the inevitable happened. From my 49^th dream till date these same blissful dreams have become my worst nightmares. I now know  that I don’t need a scary fiction or a haunted movie to freak me out. Becoz those 48 dreams of mine have become my regular nightmares. I pray hard everyday for the ending to be as perfect as it was. But it twists and turns and ends up portraying my biggest fear. I don’t know how to curb these dreams coz I cant see my life shattered like this. I look helpless, lost, scared and distressed in most of them. An incomplete void gets formed. N I’ve tried to battle it but it doesn’t happen. I’m loosing always.

Aren’t happy dreams suppose to remain so?

If they were perfect from the start, how does it wind all of a sudden??

Isn’t a dream suppose to be the portrayal of an emotion that one desires for?

I don’t wish for these nightmares anymore...

I wish my endings back..

My 48 dreams...I want them back..